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There is always a glimmer of hope. NEDA Awareness Week.

 This post is for you. To anyone who may feel like it's hard to carry on or that recovery is impossible. To anyone who feels trapped and unable to escape. Eating Disorder recovery is hard. No matter whether you're not yet ready to recovery, 1 year into recovery or 10 years into recovery. That journey is probably the hardest thing you will do in your life. 

I was waiting for the right time to write this post and of course, being NEDA awareness week, I thought now would be perfect.

Where I was. 

Over the years I have written multiple posts related to my eating disorder. For example when I completed my sky dive for BEAT back in 2016, I've spoken about weight gain, relapses, I've wanted to forget about it all together, the reality of losing my period, worries about fertility and so on. I don't regret writing any of these things, although I may have been still in a rocky place, they were my experiences and at one point, they were valid. They still are to some extent. This mental illness that I believed once controlled and consumed my life, is now only a glimmer, a snippet, hardly an importance of my life. But it still has a role. Why? 

A couple of years back, after spending my years documenting my eating disorder journey. I wanted to forget it. I wanted to move on and almost forget it even existed. At this point I was still massievely in recovery but quite a bit of denial that I still needed to work on things. Later down the line I realised that no matter how much I wanted to escape it, I simply couldn't. It was always going to be there and that thought haunted me. I didn't want it to be this big negative burden over my life forever. 

Most of you will know that I was diagnosed with Anorexia but back in 2019, I went through a really rough patch with my binge eating disorder. I gained a significant amount of weight and my balance with food completely went out the window. I was once in a very scary cycle of fearing food. After years of recovery, this scared me a LOT. It wasn't until late 2019 I started to turn things back around. I promised myself that this would be the last time I had to go through the process of recovery. I promised myself from that moment on that my eating disorder wasn't going to be used as a negative but as a positive. 

I wanted to use my experiences to help people. Whether that be through my social medias, my blog, my sport therapy business, people with and without eating disorders suffering with exercise addiction, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, low body confidence and so on. I knew that everything I have learned and experienced COULD be used in a positive way. 

Where I am.

In an extremely summed up way, that brings me to now.  I don't want to look back as such yet use what I have learned and what I have overcome to help you do the same thing. No matter what that may be. It weirdly links into everything I do whether it be social media, treating and injury or helping you reach you goals. Every single one is overcoming a challenge. 

Here's me hopefully giving you a glimmer of hope. That no matter where you currently are in your recovery, no matter how far the end seems. It's possible. It doesn't matter if you try and keep falling down. Fall down 8 times stand up 9. 

Where are you? 

I wanted to put together something for you to do in this post which may help you if you are currently in a uncertain or difficult place. This is something I still do now when I have a bad day or lose sight of recovery. It helps to reground where you are and where you want to me. I find it can be a great source of motivation when I wonder why I keep going every day! 

1. What do I want in 5 years? This is simply a time frame which helps me. You may want to shorten it to 1 year. I find smaller chunks, especially earlier on in recovery can be easier. A couple of years ago I found working in yearly chunks helped me not feel so overwhelmed. However as I got older and realised I wanted to one day be a mum and run my own business, it started open up what I wanted in 5 years, even 10 years. I knew that if I lost sight of them two significant things, it would be very easy for me to fall back. Writing these things down can be a really big motivation to remind us that recovery is worth it. 

2. What am I currently grateful for? This ones more subjective to the present. I find this incredibly useful now being further into my recovery. It's incredibly easy for us to lose sight of the present moment when we are so caught up in what has already happened or what we wish to happen. So what do you really cherish and love in your life at this present moment, that if you were to give up on recovery you could possibly lose? 

3. Step away from why you don't want to recover and focus on the benefits of recovering. What will you physically and mentally benefit from recovery? This one is a little harder and I know at the beginning of my recovery I certainly couldn't have answered this one. Maybe just start with one thing, for example thicker hair or more energy. Then see if you can increase or add to them. 

Hopefully these three questions/tasks help you in refocusing why you chose or want to chose recovery over your eating disorder. 

Don't let your eating disorder take away this one life you have been blessed with. 


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