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Feeling like you are behind everyone else.


Do you ever get the feeling you are behind in life? 

You watch everyone around you and feel like you've nowhere near achieved what you think you should have. It's hard to keep yourself grounded when you feel like you're slowly pulling along behind. This concept for as long as I can remember has been an awfully common feeling for me. 

Not only have I felt this myself but I have spoken to plenty of other people around me, of various ages, who also feel like this from time to time. So if you feel this way, don't worry Sista you ain't the only one. I often find my brain starts telling me how behind I am career wise or life wise, like why can't I get things fully going, why am I still here a student and not a lot of money to my name. It's frustrating that my brain goes down the rabbit whole of that it's wrong. Like who wrote the timeline of life? 

Why do I think we feel this way? I honestly think there are many reasons behind this. It's a topic I could dive right into. Throughout our childhoods we are fed this 'perfect idea' of life, it's like it's mapped out in some weird way or what we should and shouldn't do in order to be successful or happy. Like success has one recipe, individualism isn't considered. We all go to school and college, being programmed that the next step is university and a good job to settle down, have a house, partner and child and oh did I mention that for some bizarre reason we think this will all be done by the time we are 27 (give or take). So when you start to flee the nest from the world of high school and college, everyone ends up in different places and positions and situations, and wondering what is the right place to be is a mind f*ck. It's completely exhausting. I've been in numerous positions where I have simply not had a clue what to do next and I am sure you too reading this have also felt the same. 

Through all of the comparison and confusion, I find it can be incredibly easy to lose sight of what I actually want and instead focus on what everyone else is doing. All it does is weigh me down and ultimately make me unhappy, It's a situation where you find yourself never endingly chasing more. 

So how on Earth do we break away from it? 

Firstly, your progress in life is not on any 'scale' or should be tracked alongside someone else's. We are all on our own unique and special path. Every milestone and ounce of success no matter how big or small, is so special to you. Life has no time frame. It's no race. There is no perfect way or wrong way. 

For example, I was never going to head to university, I never thought the time would be right or ever saw the need to. I ended up going a little later than everyone else and for a while I was frustrated at that. When in reality... it does not matter. I waited and found a degree that was suited for me, and I've loved every second of it. It ended up being a wayyy better decision. Again, everyone is I N D I V I D U A L. 

Finding new measures of little successes is a good way to bring a better sense of gratitude and love towards your life for what it is in this present day. I know from my own experience, I can very easily become whirl winded into the thoughts of the future. Scaring myself into a pit of anxiety and ultimately... Feeling behind. These are a few things I try to focus on to bring me back to the present: 

Have I had a positive impact on someone else's life? I find through everything I do or want to do, I have a goal of wanting to help people. Even if it's just one person. I can do that no matter where I am with my job, whether I have a house, a degree, a lot of money. I can spread my message and hope that life can be better. 

Have I given myself an act of self care? I truly believe that looking after ourselves mentally and physically is one of the most important things in life. We can always prioritise doings at least one thing to look after ourselves. Whether it be going for a walk, making a nice meal, reading a book, taking a nice long bath etc. You get my point. DO something for you! 
Have I given myself a chance to learn something new? You may or may not relate to this one but I am a solid lover of learning. I think if we always keep our brains guessing and ticking and wanting to know more, whether than be generally or a specific area we are interested in. I think it's a great sign we are always growing, evolving and bettering ourselves. Despite where we are in life.
Am I doing something positive for my relationships? Whether it's romantically, friendships, family relationships. Are you working on them? Are you adding positive aspects to them? Are you checking in with those you love? Again another thing we can consciously do today to add to the quality of our lives and future. 

I find these questions help me circle back to what's important and more importantly my own life. Your life and the successes it hold, in each and every day are so valid. More then you realise.

I found this quote, which I absolutely love. 

"It's impossible to feel behind in life if you are not comparing yourself" 

And it's true. ultimately the feeling of being behind everyone else in life comes from the art of comparison. What does comparison do? You got it, it steals all joy. It's one big vicious cycle that can be a lil tricky to break. 

So let's try and jump out of the cycle that is comparison and really, self doubt. Let's stop scrolling Instagram and wishing we were at the same part as someone else. You don't see every part of someone's life, remember that one. Let's stop comparing ourselves when that person graduated, got pregnant, got married, bought a house, got a promotion (I could go on here) because it simply doesn't matter. I mean you may not want any of that and that's okay too. My point is, every single one of us has a completely different life, mind and body. And while yes there is some strange stereotypical way of life. It doesn't mean we all have to do the same things or at the same time and it certainly doesn't mean YOUR successes are invalid. 

You biggest success today may have simply been getting out of bed and that is okay. 
Holli x


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