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Falling in love with someone else made me fall in love with myself.

Be prepared for a soppy ass post all about how me and my partner met and fell in love because that is what you're getting.

You know the saying 'you cannot love someone else until you love yourself'. It's something I believed very strongly in before I fell in love with someone else. The way I viewed myself, reflected on the people who came into my life and simply didn't love me. My whole view on myself and perception of myself overtime changed when I met my partner Ste. I realised that, the way you view and value yourself attracts the right person however falling in love and knowing how much that one person values me made me value and love myself so much more.

I've gone through many years meeting the wrong people, in and out of crappy relationships, getting treated in a way no one deserves. This isn't me feeling sorry for myself, it simply was the way I viewed life to be. I'd given up with the actual idea of falling in love. Until I met Ste.

 I still remember when we first started talking, it was like a little light had lit up inside of me, giving me a feeling a didn't quite understand at the time. He was charming and full of compliments but in a way I had never had before. I felt guilty letting just that tiny bit into my life. My gaurds and wall went up incredibly fast. Yet he continued to give me a sense of comfort. I think he soon figured out the way I valued life, love and myself. He was intrigued. I knew he wanted to change that. When we finally met, hugging him for the first time felt like I was home. That's the only way I can describe the feeling. Safe and calm. Like the rest of the world paused for a second. Talking to him was so natural, our conversation flowing like we had known each other for years. At this moment I loved him, even though I didn't realise it. It was as if a bond had been made between us that couldn't be broken, no matter what we ended up to be. He cared about me for me in that moment which was something I hadn't felt for a very long time.

After this, as many people will be aware of things moved very quickly between us but it felt so right. When you know you know. Before I knew it my tainted, ugly views on love were changing. Without me realising this was also changing my views on myself. He loved my crazy ass, bonkers, weird self. For the first time in my life, I felt myself.

Bodies. Most of us our conscious about our bodies. Especially around someone we have developed feelings for. As a perfecrtionist I have never felt good enough. I had always valued myself for my external self. That I could only be wanted due to my external being, my body. My body was just a body. Sex just sex. And so on. Yet with Ste this is so different. He values me for more than my body. My soul and body combined. The first time he saw my body was a feeling like no other. I've always been nervous about it but put on a front, as I'd not been with anyone with any importance for a long time. Yet he loved and loves every part. Fascinated by each bit. The imperfections to him are perfect. It was like everything my mind had made up about myself was being corrected by Ste. I've began accepting things about myself I'd never accepted before. I've spent a lifetime hating my legs. Despising them. Wishing I had someone else's. But he? He god damn loves them. It's as if his love for my spreads through my mind and body and I have reflected that within myself.

Trust. Trust is a big part of any relationship in life and something I have always struggled with. I believe my lack of trust within other people has given lack of trust within myself. I honestly believed I would never trust another soul but the more my relationship grows the more my trust in Ste is like with no other. The more I trust myself. I trust myself to keep going. To keep strong. To love who I am.

I'd always hated how much I felt. How passionate I wanted to be. How I wanted to be loved. I hated it. Yet he changed that. He made me realise that you can NEVER feel 'too much'. With the right person. Passion, feelings, expression is the key. It's the best feeling in the world. That's a part of me I should never ever have to hide away.

Love heals. Love is healing my insecurities and doubts one by one. When the right person loves you, it radiates through your entire soul and takes away any worry you once had. I don't have to be anything but myself around Ste. I think that's something we all want. That ability to truly be who we are. It's something I have always truly feared until him.

So my theory? You CAN love someone else before loving yourself. With the right person, they allow you to see parts of yourself you never once saw. I see myself in Ste, I love him endlessly. Because I love him. That love is like a reflection.

He loves me and because he loves me. I love myself. 

I hope this gives you a sense of hope that love exists and that loving someone else. Their love for you? Can truly change how YOU love yourself. 


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