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Year Twenty-Two.



Year Twenty-Two of my life and welcome to my new site. Welcome back (if you've been reading my blog before) and if you're new here, it's nice to meet you. This post was supposed to be up on my 22nd birthday however my site had a bit of a breakdown over Christmas, I lost me marbles and then it was certainly time for a revamp.

I didn't want to do some big 'new start' post about me changing from 'Happily Holli' to 'Holli Jessi', however over the past months you may have noticed I have slowly changed all my social media names. I felt like it was time for something new. I'm getting older. Finding myself and who I am and honestly I felt like Happy Holli was the scared, girl version of myself. It was time to move on.

I now hope my blog can inspire and give content to motivate, help and give people hope.

I know this post was relevant in this moment. I wrote a similar one when I turned 20, so I thought I'd write one 2 years later. 22 things I have learned in 22 years.

1. You can always change a situation.

I spent a lot of my life thinking that I was stuck in certain situations and uncapable of changing them. Even with Happily Holli I felt attatched. Especially with my education and career, I’ve changed my path a lot over the past couple of years. Yet one thing I now know is that there is simply NOTHING wrong with that. If you are unhappy or questioning a situation in life, leave it. Change it. Keep trying. It's never too late to change your path and take a detour. 

2. Love exists.

I never thought I’d sit here and say this, but love does exist. Since meeting Ste (my boyfriend, you'll be hearing a lot about him), I have realised that love isn’t hard and isn't a myth. Love is the easiest thing in the entire world when it’s with the right person. Love is real, pure and true when you find it. This person becomes your rock and best friend. I can honestly say he is my person. In a short space of time he has become such a safe place and importance in my life and I am very excited for what's to come. 

3. It’s okay to grieve.

When I lost one of my closest friends 3 years ago, I never really understood grief. I just knew it hurt, it hurt so much, it still does. I used to think I wasn’t allowed to grieve, what gave me the right when his family were suffering? But that isn’t true. You can grieve. You can feel. You can miss someone. Your feelings are always valid.

4. Don't stay in environments which caused you to break.

We don't heal in the place that broke us. We can't move on. We can't become who we are again. Toxic places, situations or people are never going to allow you to move on from the past. Let go. Move. Take risks. And accept that better things are coming.

5. A hug solves everything.

I’m a big hugger. Always have been and always will be, in fact I think I put this in my post two years ago but it still sticks because it’s so damn true. Hugs are the best thing. From your mum. Your boyfriend. Your nana. Your sister. Anyone. Being wrapped in someone’s arms for a few minutes (or when Ste’s spooning me) honestly NOTHING else in the world matters.

6. You are MORE than a number.

My whole teenage years was ruled by numbers whether it be the number on the scale, the number size on my jeans or the number of calories I was eating a day. But you are MORE than a number. Life isn’t about obsessing over what’s in that biscuit or whether you fit into a size 6 pair of jeans. Life is for living. If you're younger (or older) reading this, and you are currently wasting the hours in your day with numbers, please stop. Go and live! 

7. Your Mumma is always your best friend.

As you get older you realise your mum truly is your best friend. She’s the one who is there for you thick and thin. The one who has helped me through my worst and been proud of me at my best. She is your number one support always. Appreciate your Mumma's while they're around, tell them you love them endlessly.

8. You won’t die if you missed a workout.

Thank god I finally realised this one! As someone with an obsessive personality, coming from eating disorders and exercise addiction, learning this lesson was a big one. I used to spend hours in the gym 7 days a week, without even a second to breathe. I thought if I missed even 5 minutes of training all my progress would be vanished. Yet that is far from the truth, in fact I believe recovery and training aside are just as important as each other. Missing a workout or even a week of training, IS NOT going to kill you.

9. I love gin.

I love gin. That’s it. 

10. Being kind costs NOTHING.

Over the years I’ve been horrible to very kind people (and very horrible ones) but it’s something I am not proud of. As humans, kindness costs nothing and it can really impact someone. Talk to the person who looks lonely. Compliment the girl behind the till having a rough day. Give your coffee to someone who doesn't have enough to get one. Tell your family you love them. Kindness costs nothing but means everything.

11. Your life has no time frame.

There is no rush to have a certain thing done at a certain point at your life. I used to believe that I had to have everything structured and done how I believe it ‘should be’. Life has no time frame. Go at your pace. Have kids before marriage. Go to uni at 25. Travel to world at 40. The world is your oyster. There are no rules.

12. Making time for yourself is important.

Selfcare isn’t selfish. Don’t be afraid to take some time out for you. Grab a coffee. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Say no to plans. Get your hair done. Do a workout. Yoga. Meditate. DO things which make you happy and recharge your batteries. You are your number 1 priority. 

13. You can be extroverted and introverted.

I thought you had to be one or the other but one thing I have realised, I am both! I love being extroverted, I thrive off of being around people, sociable, talkative and loud. But sometimes I need that time for me. I need my time. I need to be introverted. The time to recharge. Both are equally okay. 

14. I’m not as funny as I thought I was.

Yeah. I always thought I was relatively funny… apparently not. More clumsy. Haha.

15. I spend most of my money in Starbucks.

When you go to uni and your career is fitness, my bank statement is basically coffee. I guess I am certainly okay with that. There are worst things in life.

16. Trains are NEVER on time.

I hate trains. I can honestly say this year I have discovered my hate for trains. Never ever on time.

17. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be a mum.

If you have followed my journey for quite some time, you will know that I went on a journey to get my period back after starting to physically recover from Anorexia. It wasn’t until I managed to get that back and my hormones in check that I realised I really wanted to be a mum. More than anything. I’ve always dreamed of having a little girl, a best friend who is my daughter. Who I can raise to love the world and herself the way I never did. Who I can shop with and train with. To let her be whoever she wants to be. It’s just something I will never ever give up on, and knowing I have that chance now is the most warming, amazing feeling in the world. And my god, from mine and Ste’s genes she will have the longest, thickest curliest hair in the world.

18. I love hot water bottles.

Hot water bottles are the bomb. The most comforting things ever ever ever. Cold? Hot water bottle. Period? Hot water bottle. Need comforting? Hot water bottle.

19. Stop buying food out when you’ve just done a food shop, Jesus Holli!

I think this is the prime lesson learnt of ‘adult hood’, STOP buying food out when you have perfectly good food in the fridge!

20. It’s OKAY to make a mistake.

Life is all about making mistakes, it doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. You don’t have to succeed at everything or get it all right. Learn from you mistakes. Grow from them. Let them teach you lesson rather than stopping you from proceeding forward.

21. I’m a country gal.

I always thought I was a city girl, especially when I moved out to Leeds last year. Don’t get me wrong I love the city especially being 22, it’s great for shopping or being in places where something is always going on. But at heart I know now I am a country girl. I love my doggies, I love being out in nature, the quiet, the cosiness. It’s somewhere I know I’d love to raise my own family.

22. Every day is a blessing.

Every day is a miracle, one day at time. MY favourite quote. After many years of moments of nearly losing my own life and nearly losing family and friends. Life truly is a blessing. Every breath. Every moment. Every moment. Every day. I can honestly say I am eternally grateful. And very excited for life.


So here is to my 22nd year, new blog, new writing, and the most me I have ever been in my life. 

Holli Jessi x

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